I hate you. I know hate is a strong word,
but I think I really hate you.
I hate the eway you look,
I hate the way you smell.
I hate the sound of your voice, and I
hate the words you say.
I see you walk in the room, and my
heart begins to race. It’s fight or flight,
and I always remove myself. I’m afraid
that I will hurt you one day if I don’t
tell you how I really feel.
I see you waiting to hurt someone. If they
have something good to say, you will
explain to them how they are wrong. If
someone is looking really good and confident,
you will show them something that’s wrong.
You will point out the negative in
any situation. It’s as if the world is
against you, and everyone should feel bad
for you. I have watched this for so
long that I actually have a physical
reaction as soon as I see you.
I have wondered why I get so upset
when I am around you. That there must be
something wrong with me. I mean, that’s
what you always told me my whole childhood,
That there was always something wrong with
me. I was too stupid, too ugly, too slow,
Too annoying, anything negative you could think
of, you said to me. Everyone else liked you,
or pretended to like you, because if they
didn’t then you would hurt them too.
All the abuse I took from you took a
toll on me. I watched you use drugs, and
didn’t understand, until I tried them.
They made me feel better, like I was
smarter, prettier, cooler, at least for a little
while. Then drugs just helped me not feel,
And I forgot how to live. I began to
hate everyone. If your life was good,
I would point our what was wrong.
So when I look at you, I was looking
at me, and I didn’t like that I hated
It so much that I had to get away
from the world. But, I got clean and
sober, and I now know that I am not
a bad person. I have learned to forgive myself,
So now I can forgive you. I just hope
that one day you will find what I
found, because I now know that I