I had never heard metal crash against metal so cruelly so constantly until I came to prison. Steel doors opening and closing,
opening and closing giving ears no rest.
Like sledge hammers hitting a steel bar echoing bringing me to this dark, ugly place.
This empty useless place of delusion.
Darker even than the darkest night because I’m stuck, denied, forgotten uselessly looking through Prison Screen windows at high fences decorated with barbed wire in clever circular swirls crowned with perfectly placed razors that hunger to cut and drain my blood if I dare to challenge them.
So for what good is it?
What good am I here?
When one day struggles to follow another to endless timeless routines that take me no where. Lost in captivity.
And what do I do with this?
With this life that I have brought here?
Is there something in my soul that’s Redeemable? Restorable? Remarkable?
Do I have worth? Can I believe again?
Do I have a desire to believe? And by believing find hope? What is this hope that I seek?
If I will be but kind to myself. Will I find hope? And what will this hope give me? If I test it and try it, will I have found faith? And having found faith will I be able to rebuild myself?
I read: “Ask and ye shall receive; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.”
A promise of hope to my lost and needy soul. Surely I can become a miracle of hope if I would but follow the Light and Voice that told me to Ask, Seek, Knock. Will this surely bring me hope?
“I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me.” And with each step. I will build hope up. I will prove that there is more to me than dust and ash. Hope will be my companion that will strengthen and guide me. What was lost will be found. What was dead, will have new life. For Hope will be my banner, my sword, my shield and I will now meet all things in my day with Hope