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"A Morning When I'm Using/A Morning Clean and Sober" by Noah Lowry

Gary Miller

A Morning When I'm Using

I wake up to the sun beaming on my face. The smell of stale liquor just consumes the room. I try and get myself motivated to get up and take a shower but the thought of walking into the bathroom and looking at myself scares me. So instead of facing reality, I go into the kitchen and open another bottle, thinking to myself I’ll deal with reality another day. All the while the alcohol is just making it much worse. And the self pity takes over, getting trapped in my own thoughts, hating life, but still not being able to put the bottle down. Not having any regard for my well-being. My cat looks at me as if he is saying ‘What is wrong with you. Get your shit together. And me looking at him as if to say ‘Leave me alone. I don’t wanna deal with your shit today.’

A Morning Clean and Sober

I wake up to my phone ringing, it’s my mother calling me on the first of the month to say rabbit rabbit. We joke for a sec and then get off the phone. Before I do anything I stop and say a prayer and thank God for waking me up. I walk into the bathroom not even thinking about the mirror and proceed to take a shower and brush my teeth. I go into the kitchen and start making my usual breakfast, eggs, sausage, and onion and turn on sportscenter so I can get my much needed sports news. I sit in my living room eating my breakfast as well as my cat eats right beside me, we look at each other as if we are saying ‘Today is gonna be a good day.’ I get up, go outside feeling nothing but happiness and thank the Lord for a beautiful day and then I say to myself, ‘Another day sober,’ an continue with my day.