"It's Time to Be Blunt" by Caitlin Ferland

I hate you. I know hate is a strong word,

but I think I really hate you.

I hate the eway you look,

I hate the way you smell.

I hate the sound of your voice, and I

hate the words you say.

I see you walk in the room, and my

heart begins to race. It’s fight or flight,

and I always remove myself. I’m afraid

that I will hurt you one day if I don’t

tell you how I really feel.

I see you waiting to hurt someone. If they

have something good to say, you will

explain to them how they are wrong. If

someone is looking really good and confident,

you will show them something that’s wrong.

You will point out the negative in

any situation. It’s as if the world is

against you, and everyone should feel bad

for you. I have watched this for so

long that I actually have a physical

reaction as soon as I see you.

I have wondered why I get so upset

when I am around you. That there must be

something wrong with me. I mean, that’s

what you always told me my whole childhood,

That there was always something wrong with

me. I was too stupid, too ugly, too slow,

Too annoying, anything negative you could think

of, you said to me. Everyone else liked you,

or pretended to like you, because if they

didn’t then you would hurt them too.

All the abuse I took from you took a

toll on me. I watched you use drugs, and

didn’t understand, until I tried them.

They made me feel better, like I was

smarter, prettier, cooler, at least for a little

while. Then drugs just helped me not feel,

And I forgot how to live. I began to

hate everyone. If your life was good,

I would point our what was wrong.

So when I look at you, I was looking

at me, and I didn’t like that I hated

It so much that I had to get away

from the world. But, I got clean and

sober, and I now know that I am not

a bad person. I have learned to forgive myself,

So now I can forgive you. I just hope

that one day you will find what I

found, because I now know that I

love you.

Gary MillerComment