Poems by Dee At Turning Point of Windham County, Brattleboro VT

For the next little while we’re going to be sharing pieces written in WFR workshop leader Willow O’Feral’s workshop at the Turning Point of Windham County in Brattleboro, VT. First up: Dee!

Do You Mind If I Ask?
With out fear
Always afraid to hear your answer
With out a tear in my eye
Getting punished because I didn’t hear
Never mind I’ll go without. 
Either way I’m not without 
Punishment

 
Secret Message to My Mom: 
Loving you was easy to do
With all my siblings not always easy
Your job was hard taking care of all of us
And putting my heart and soul in
To your trust
As a mother you raised us well
Sometimes hard to tell
My secret message to my mom
With loving arms to hold you near. 

 
What I Did First Was 
Pick up a drink, and was not 
Able to think, I stayed numb
All the time, and ended up 
With a box of wine
Staying numb was safe
For me to be able to see
What I did first 
I’m not proud of what I did first 
As it became such a 
Heavy curse. 
What I did first was stay drunk
Because I didn’t want to feel 
What emotions were in the trunk. 

The Difference It Made
Not knowing where I was going
Down this terrible path of destruction
Not a care in my world of not knowing
Where would I be without the 
Difference it made
Did it really help, not at the that time
Always never knowing what the 
Difference it made
Clean and sober today shows 
Me the difference it made Amen

Good Advice from the True Me
Use this time to listen as 
I share, what advice is needed
I don’t really have all the answers
But I can share good advice from 
the true me
Guidance is always needed \
Good advice is from the true me
If you need me I’m always there
To share good advice from me
Follow if you dare, because I care. 

What I Think About Thanksgiving
I try NOT to think about it because 
I’m not near family
Some days are happy
And some are not so happy.
I make the best of what I have and try to not to complain, and somehow it all 
Comes together two-fold
We never ate together as a family so
Those days are lost to me, as sad as it may be,
I still survive to be me with a better outlook on life
This is a gift to me 

How to Make an Amends
I’ve made many mistakes in my time
And never saying I’m sorry. Being drunk 
All the time I didn’t care what you thought
Of me, because I let it roll off my back
Today being sober I have made an amends to all those I have hurt and my 
Heart is now happy not to hurt again. 

An Inventory of My Face
So what are you looking at, please tell me,
You see a face that is old and wrinkled
Why do you insist on taking an inventory of
My face, do you not see where it has been and 
What I have been through
This face is/was cast of love and hate 
When does it begin to smile again

There Are People I Want to Be With
I have people I choose to hang with,
All my friends I have made through
My years, It took a long time to see who
Was truthful and in sobriety. I changed
People, places, and things and my heart
Sings with joy and a big smile from ear to ear,
These are people I choose to be with. 

I’ll Never Forget That Shirt
When you wore it with 
A plaid skirt
Flowers and ribbons adorn
To find a hole before being worn
I never forgot that shirt
Because to me it was Ugly

My Dream Job Would Be…
I enjoy working with the public, 
Cashiering, straightening out shelves, 
Returning goods to their proper place
Keeping my customers happy as they
Pass through my aisle
Unpacking boxes of books and pricing them
To put out in order
This was my dream job dealing with 
All kinds of people, which I enjoyed. 

What Scares Me The Most

I get uneasy with new people because I have trust issues. Being around my dad always scared me because of the abuse. I grew up with hatred in my heart, I guess you can tell I hated my dad, it wasn’t easy being a kid, because no matter what I did I was never approved of. I grew up faster than I wanted, not understanding why things were so bad. We never did things as a family. 

For A Moment I Felt Like Myself

When I was drinking and drugging I didn’t know who I have become, I started to drink when I was 11 years old and stayed numb. Drugs entered my life when I got older and was so comfortably numb. I don’t really know who I was, and sometimes I ask myself “Who are you?” Being sober has really helped me realize that I am somebody who is worth everything I have become. Did I really like me before? No. But today I love me for being free. I lived in an hourglass.