"In a Place Like This" and "Once It Started" by California Jones

In a Place Like This

In a place like this

Where all the little things matter the most

And all the big things you spent so much time worrying about

Because of the stories and sociocultural wah wah wah wah wahs

Every last one of them turn out to only be as big as you make them

And you deflate mostly before you get to them

In a place like this where sartre says other people are hell

And you don’t disagree

Because when you love them it hurts so much

And growing attached to them is the worst obsession

The pull so strong you can’t resist

Especially when they feel it too

And your both addicts and you know you shouldn’t

But its love

And in a place like this all we have is connection

And there are the Buddhists

Going om

And that’s nice to sit and breathe quietly for days and days

Until you lose count

But then they’re always on about impermanence

And detachment

And then it doesn’t matter

Because god’s will was indeed what you feared most

You pessimist

You never want to be right about the things you predict

So you stay present

And then you’re right and god’s will was not for him to get better

And then you’re ripped in half

And this place

This place is nowhere you want to be

And no one you want to see

But at the same time you don’t want to leave

Because you love it all

Every last tiny thing

Every rose

Every sunset and sunrise

Every bite of yellow curry

Every pain and ache in your joints

Every sleepless night

Every song that comes on

Every thing you pass by that makes you want to call him

But you can’t because he’s not him anymore

He’s not here anymore

So you just cry in a place like this

And wait gratefully and hopeful

That you’re wrong and sartre’s wrong and that something better will come in time

Once It Started

Once it started it was on. My thoughts would run. They would overcome me. They would see all my careful planning undone. They would wrinkle my clothes and scuff my shoes if I let them too. But I did what Richard Gere had said to do in that video about how to meditate from circa 1992 or something. Who knows. Could’ve originally been VHS for all I ….see! Like this. They’d do like this. So, I go, “inhale, feel all the tightness in my body, relax and exhale.” And empty. Close my eyes or let my gaze fix on the emptiness beyond the space ahead of me somewhere, elsewhere. And then it was off. If any thoughts came. I just gave them a nod of my chin. Hello. Sup. Late. I see you pal. Keep movin. Then I wouldn’t even see em anymore. And they’d just walk by. Then there were no more. That’s zen. That emptiness beyond the first five minutes. Then for the last ten I couldn’t feel the pain in my legs anymore and I had only hardly noticed it coming on. But then I gotta stand? And they want me to walk at any pace around. Man. I toppled that place like dominoes. Zen Jen they called me. Cuz apparently its Zen as fuck to practice boketto until you can’t feel your legs and then fall over and make the whole room laugh their asses off like that scene in Mary Poppins with the guys drinking tea stuck on the ceiling.